Yo Melania. Check this out. Get a blonde wig and some contacts. Maybe a MAGA hat. Walk for the front door and if the Secret Service stops you, just say you’re one of the regular hookers stepping out for Diet Cokes and a fresh Forbes to roll up for spankies.

When you get outside, text me. I’ll send you a Lyft. When you get in the car, go to eBay. I have a beige bridesmaid dress for sale. Buy it for a mil through PayPal. Actually, make it 2. Take the Lyft to Greyhound and get on a bus—they never actually check ID’s. Go South. Anywhere works, I’ll come get you. beige bridesmaid dresses

I got at least 3 friends in Miami with passports you can pass for and a place to crash in Jamaica. All you gotta do is tell your story to the world.

You can save us.