SEVEN YEARS

|| Five ||

I was five when three monsters came sweeping in my life.
Just on the verge of life,
I got raped.
Three brothers became, three rapists.
A sister was victimised.
Couldn't understand what was happening to me.
I sat quiet for seven years of my life.
My screams were unheard.
In the room they kept locked.
My childhood was submerged.
In three teenage boys' genitals.
There was a girl too.
Who saw everything just at the age four.
Unfortunately she was one's sister.
She was threaten not to say anything.
So was I.
If not then a chocolate or two.
Was suffice.

|| Six ||

I was six when three monsters came sweeping in my life.
A year passed,
My mouth was full of them.
My clothes were subject of interest.
I had to dance and strip for them to masturbate.
Whom should I blame?
My age of innocence.
Or their age of sexual desires?
Asked me to play WWF
Little did I know it stood for :
"We will fuck" .
The age for me to play with barbie doll.
Turns out to become a sex doll.
To say something was a shameful thing.
I felt I was good for nothing.

|| Seven ||

I was seven when three monsters came sweeping in my life.
Gymnastics and dance were loved.
They said the right place to do was in the room.
The room I was scared of
My hell and heaven was inside it.
My grandmother's bedroom it was.
The room stayed echoed with my screams in the day.
And with my tears on my grandmother's arm in the night.
With the opportunity of empty room.
We played hide and seek.
Where did they hide my childhood in?
Something I'd never be able to seek.
On the bed
Under the bed
Beside
In front
Everywhere they could;
They left a piece of my life.

|| Eight ||

I was eight when three monsters came sweeping in my life.
Toothbrush
Spoon
Pencil
What was not inserted in my vagina
To see how much I can scream
Begged them to leave
Cried and bled.
A slap, a punch or sometimes a kick
Was offered just as a return gift.
Chocolates looked like tickets to my vagina.
Brothers looked like the worst nightmares.
Wishing every night not to see them again.
But what could I do when they live under the same shell.
Grandma! Save me,
Who'll rub my tears if you're gone and they're still here?
With the loss of my grandma the opportunities were infinite.
Day looked like night too.
As I was pushed
In the room.
|| Nine ||

I was nine when three monsters came sweeping in my life.
Tied up and beaten
I was thrown around like a trash
Pulled from hair and dragged
Along the walls of the room
My face was smashed.
Fat
Ugly
Dark
Were said, to cut down my self confidence.
My panties were chopped and tees were ripped.
Whom should I blame?
The parents who are still afraid to talk about sex to their daughters? Or the Indian culture to whom sex is something between a married couple? Sex, one of the most important part of our life. DressAfford wedding pieces with removable skirt
An Indian wrote a book on it,
Indians are 1.3 billion in population.
Still our daughters are supposed to know about it
Just a night before they're sold.

|| Ten ||
I was ten when three monsters came sweeping in my life.
My chest hurt
My belly was about to burst
I was growing up
My looks changed
My body changed
But things that happened in that room
Stayed unchanged.
Longer hair, smooth skin
Breasts coming through
A perfect combination for my three brothers.
"Should I say this to mom?"
The only question lingered in my mind.
No one to answer.

|| Eleven ||

I was eleven when three monsters came sweeping in my life.
Sports
Sports was something I was good at
Running,
Running away from getting used
Jumping,
Jumping over their nasty thoughts to keep my dignity intact. Throwing,
Throwing them away out of my holy grandma's room
I wish I wish I wish I could do this back then.
Now these are things I regret.

|| Twelve ||

I was twelve when three monsters left me alone.
Periods.
Something that all holy books refer as
"Unclean"
Helped me to fly away from the sexual cage I was kept in.
My teen brothers were scared to see blood coming out of my vagina. That was the time I thanked God to say it was impure.
Something that is the reason why all of us are alive is unclean, impure and dirty. But for me it came as a blessing.
An opportunity to run away and be free.
I was finally
"FREE"

- Tanzeela Shahid